A personal, pumpkin spice nightmare


Jessica Stamp

Expertly designed by Jessica Stamp, I am considering swapping out the traditional Starbucks logo for this Viper twist. I feel management wouldn’t notice.

Abby Lincks, Editor

Each week, hundreds of Austinites crowd their local Starbucks to slurp their way into a new season franchised by that hit pumpkin spice flavor. They wait in thirty minute lines for their whip, ice, milk, sugar and spice. Every year, customers swarm for their pumpkin cream and caffeine. 

Specialty drink flavors include the pumpkin spice latte, or “Psl,” pumpkin cream cold brew, pumpkin spice frappuccino, apple crisp oatmilk macchiato, iced apple crisp oatmilk macchiato made savory, just for you, with barista tears. 

Add whip, more whip, with additional whip, and on top of that some pumpkin spice and a pumpkin design. I’ll do my best. I’ll pull the shots, most likely blonde, add that flavor, then the milk, whip cream, more whip and pumpkin spice. I’ll give you your drink and read the name, but I will warn you it might just take thirty more minutes and cost me my sanity. I will admit the apple syrup on top of your macc’ does smell good, I’ll add extra just for you. 

Now, on to food. A pumpkin cream cheese muffin, especially warmed. A pumpkin scone with extra icing and an owl cake pop, with the prettiest little beady eyes and a tiny beak. “You want four of those…sure thing.” 

All jokes aside, I hope you enjoy your hot drinks, in a million degree heat. But, for the money you’re paying, I’ll give you my best. And hey, at least I get to dress up on Halloween.